I've just come put of a session and I honestly feel so annoyed at myself
Why is it so f*cking hard?! We spoke about the panic situation at my appt the other day and that was fine....but I mentioned to her about this memory thing, she said she would lean towards ot being true....given my reaction to it but she couldn't help unless she knew what it was and I couldn't do it! At all! I couldn't tell her what it was and I feel so ridiculous, I'm so upset with myself! She wants to start sessions with grounding but I said how that would feel like I'm going backwards, because we did that last year when I first started with her. Then she says how there are other ways and I don't have to talk about trauma, if it's going to be too much but the frustrating thing is that I want to talk about it....I'm just finding it ridiculously difficult and it's not on her, she is amazing....it's me, I've just always had it in my head that I need to talk about things and I don't think that's going ro change but God, it's just hard! I wasted the last half of the session crying and being silent. Why? I feel like I'm not doing enough and I'm not giving her enough to help me properly. She says how I'm too self critical because I was calling myself silly and how it was stupid that I couldn't talk....so she said she will send over some bits on self compassion, she thinks we need to work on that first. She is away next week, Possibly have a session on 28th but if I can't do that, it's going to be 4 weeks! I feel so, so upset right now![Loudly crying face :sob: ðŸ˜](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/7.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)
![Loudly crying face :sob: ðŸ˜](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/7.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)
![Loudly crying face :sob: ðŸ˜](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/7.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)
![Loudly crying face :sob: ðŸ˜](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/7.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)
![Angry face :angry: ðŸ˜](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/7.0/png/unicode/64/1f620.png)
Why is it so f*cking hard?! We spoke about the panic situation at my appt the other day and that was fine....but I mentioned to her about this memory thing, she said she would lean towards ot being true....given my reaction to it but she couldn't help unless she knew what it was and I couldn't do it! At all! I couldn't tell her what it was and I feel so ridiculous, I'm so upset with myself! She wants to start sessions with grounding but I said how that would feel like I'm going backwards, because we did that last year when I first started with her. Then she says how there are other ways and I don't have to talk about trauma, if it's going to be too much but the frustrating thing is that I want to talk about it....I'm just finding it ridiculously difficult and it's not on her, she is amazing....it's me, I've just always had it in my head that I need to talk about things and I don't think that's going ro change but God, it's just hard! I wasted the last half of the session crying and being silent. Why? I feel like I'm not doing enough and I'm not giving her enough to help me properly. She says how I'm too self critical because I was calling myself silly and how it was stupid that I couldn't talk....so she said she will send over some bits on self compassion, she thinks we need to work on that first. She is away next week, Possibly have a session on 28th but if I can't do that, it's going to be 4 weeks! I feel so, so upset right now
![Loudly crying face :sob: ðŸ˜](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/7.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)
![Loudly crying face :sob: ðŸ˜](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/7.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)
![Loudly crying face :sob: ðŸ˜](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/7.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)
![Loudly crying face :sob: ðŸ˜](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/7.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)