Help to navigate this with my therapist?

[Movingforward10]

Thanks @Teamwork .


Just got to work through it. Sort of managing. Sort of not.

 

[barefoot]

Completely get the hurt and disappointment you feel about this.

It can feel like lack of care or that she hasn’t remembered to ask etc.

But I agree with some other comments. I expect the reason she hasn’t referenced your dad’s funeral is because she knows the circumstances (family relationships and some attitudes to you and E etc) are difficult and complicated. To reference it in any way really - even a seemingly simple ‘hope everything went ok’ or ‘I was holding you in my thoughts that day’ or whatever - they still sort of invite a response from you to say how it went or how you’re doing. And that could really open a can of worms at a time when she isn’t available for you to help you with whatever has come up because she’s unwell and can’t do a session (and obviously isn’t going to get in with you about all that stuff over email instead)

It’s shit because it’s a difficult time and you are feeling lots of feels and would particularly welcome her care, support and space-holding right now. But I don’t think she has been shit. It’s a case of really shitty timing (I’m sure she’s really aware of this too) and, as has already been mentioned, feeling anger towards her is an easy and understandable way to go.

I think the message you sent her was a good one - a balance of care/compassion for her and her health, a mention (not passive aggressive in my view) of your context around the funeral, and a request for an earlier session if that’s possible.

 

[Movingforward10]

Thanks @barefoot.
Yeah, it's really bad timing.

I feel like I had set up a structure of support around the funeral and therapy and her was an important part of that. And it's not here. And I'm feeling that. And trying to be ok with that. And trying to find another way of replacing that.

I can now see it wasn't remiss of her. And I can see that it wasn't out of forgetfulness but likely out of professional care and responsibility.
So I have worked through that initial upset.
And now just dealing with the unsettled ness of it all.
And everything around it.

 

[Muttly]

If it helps any, I would be hurt too. Feelings happen. They don't have to be right or wrong. You are navigating a lot of really hard things right now so it makes sense what happened with your T stirred up a response. That seems to be part of your relationship. That she is a safe person to have feelings about.

But I still don't know if I sent it because I'm upset she didn't reference the funeral and I wanted to reference the funeral which is my passive aggressive way of highlighting she didn't?

In my mind, it doesn't really matter. Your response was appropriate. You didn't immediately fire off at her. You talked about what would make sense with your partner. You did all of that while having feelings. That's what matters

 

[Bonfire.]

Ok. So I am panicking and feeling like I need to respond now. So have. Spoke to my partner about it and sent:

" Sorry to hear you are unwell and hope you feel better soon. And I hope the scan goes well on Thursday.

If you are able to offer an appointment earlier than next Thursday. I would like to take that offer up given the funeral yesterday. If not, I hope we can meet next Thursday or when you are better"

I sent that.
But I still don't know if I sent it because I'm upset she didn't reference the funeral and I wanted to reference the funeral which is my passive aggressive way of highlighting she didn't?

I do think it's a big thing not to mention the funeral.

What a difficult situation. Not her fault but you have a great need.
Don't know how long you have been in therapy, but you probably handled the funeral better than you would have earlier in your journey.

Perhaps you can look at how that is so. Maybe make a list of how it was different. Also what you wish she could have said to make it even easier. Obviously she would not have been at the top of her game even if she did meet with you.

Sounds like you handled it well all on your own. Not the ideal way. She is suppose to be there for your support. But as you said, not her fault. Give yourself credit for the way you handled it.

Hope she is able to be there for you soon.

Bonfire

 

[Movingforward10]

Thank you everyone.

I spoke to her about it . (Well sat in silence, with some words, more silence, and a few more words!). And she apologised that she couldn't give me what I needed that week and that I felt missed by her. Which is incredibly gracious of her.

It's resolved now I think.
Until the next rupture!