Session this morning - Frustrations with difficulties talking & feeling stuck

[LucyLou]

I hate coming out of a session and that feeling of being unsure how it actually went We started off about my friend, which was fine and then she went into the list I sent her about reasons it's difficult to talk and it just got difficult. She was trying to reassure that she believes me and how it's normal to have these issues with not remembering properly etc but I don't know....I said how I thought her saying that would help but it didn't. For some reason, I also asked her if she thought I should be further along than what I am, considering it's almost a year we've been speaking and she just said how the pace that people talk will be different from person to person. She said it's seem like I feel stuck, which I kinda agree with. It's just so hard, I thought throwing everything out there from the beginning would be helpful and I guess in some ways, it was helpful because she knows everything but when it comes to talking, I can't at the mo. We've spoken about some bits but I stop myself. She has asked me to write some bits that I won't to focus on ot we could have monthly things to focus on I don't know. This therapy sh*t is hard I feel like I'm not getting anywhere and I know that's on me. I think I'll maybe just say to work on things from now and then go backwards through the timeline? That might be easier?

 

[BrokenHalo91x]

Working backwards might be a good idea! This will give you ground to work from, getting used to talking to someone and also it will allow time to build a better relationship.

Talking is HARD! there is no doubt about that. I myself struggle as well, I am new to my therapy journey, and I have no idea where to start!

Just take your time and do what feels right for you 🩷

Always here with an ear

 

[Movingforward10]

Therapy is soooooo hard. I keep saying they have to invent a better, easier way!

It's awful.


Everything your T said is right though. Therapy is at your pace. Doesn't matter the pace of others. Whether you are 'faster' than them, doesn't mean they are failing at therapy any more or less than if they are 'faster' than you.

It is a slow and painful journey.
I honestly thought I would only need 6-8 sessions and I would be totally done and back to living my life. 4 1/2 years later.....

Remember: sessions stir things up. It sometimes can take a few days to settle back down. Those days are hard but also good for reflections and growth.
You don't need to have all the answers now. They will come. Slowly! Painfully slowly! But they will still come.

It might help with working through the stuck feelings. What is stopping you from talking? Shame? Fear of rejection and judgement? Etc. That might open up the door to being able to talk about the topics.

 

[No More]

So, I’m going to give a different perspective to seemingly a large proportion of this site. I’ll preface this by saying I mean no disrespect to anyone, it’s all an individual journey & you have to do you.

So that said - obviously everyone needs to do this in their own time/way/pace. But I don’t think this dynamic of years and years stuck in therapy & *still* being totally dependant to the point of non functional if the therapist goes away is in any way shape or form healthy. So you feel stuck, and frustrated. What can you do to move things forward and develop?

For me, and maybe it might be helpful for you, was to pick public enemy no#1. IE, the worst and most disabling symptom. And go at it. Hard. Shut the rest down and grind. So maybe that’s sleep, maybe that’s dissociation. Get down to the gritty with your therapist, write down 5 different strategies for improving it. Try them all, come back with feedback. A worked, B was a disaster, C was meh, D did nothing, E has potential. Try 5 more - you get the idea.


You don’t have to sit there every week rehashing things you can’t talk about. If you can’t talk draw, if you can’t draw dance, move, run, go to a boxing gym. Try 100 things. Fail at 99 of them. Try pottery, try endurance running, try dancing.

You can take control of this. You don’t HAVE to sit there every week, in therapy, feeling stuck, feeling like you aren’t improving, feeling like it’s going nowhere. You can take control, put yourself out there. Failure is great because then you can say for certainty - I tried that and it didn’t work, or it worked a bit, or yep let’s stick at it.

Traditional western therapy is not the only way.

 

[Givrali]

So, I’m going to give a different perspective to seemingly a large proportion of this site. I’ll preface this by saying I mean no disrespect to anyone, it’s all an individual journey & you have to do you.

So that said - obviously everyone needs to do this in their own time/way/pace. But I don’t think this dynamic of years and years stuck in therapy & *still* being totally dependant to the point of non functional if the therapist goes away is in any way shape or form healthy. So you feel stuck, and frustrated. What can you do to move things forward and develop?

For me, and maybe it might be helpful for you, was to pick public enemy no#1. IE, the worst and most disabling symptom. And go at it. Hard. Shut the rest down and grind. So maybe that’s sleep, maybe that’s dissociation. Get down to the gritty with your therapist, write down 5 different strategies for improving it. Try them all, come back with feedback. A worked, B was a disaster, C was meh, D did nothing, E has potential. Try 5 more - you get the idea.


You don’t have to sit there every week rehashing things you can’t talk about. If you can’t talk draw, if you can’t draw dance, move, run, go to a boxing gym. Try 100 things. Fail at 99 of them. Try pottery, try endurance running, try dancing.

You can take control of this. You don’t HAVE to sit there every week, in therapy, feeling stuck, feeling like you aren’t improving, feeling like it’s going nowhere. You can take control, put yourself out there. Failure is great because then you can say for certainty - I tried that and it didn’t work, or it worked a bit, or yep let’s stick at it.

Traditional western therapy is not the only way.

What's the complete name of this therapy ?

 

[Sideways]

I feel like I'm not getting anywhere and I know that's on me.

Do you have goals? Short term, medium term, long term…

Couple of tips (I spent years getting nowhere fast for quite a bit at first): first, a helpful initial goal is learning to feel safe. Knowing how to feel safe in your own skin, in different situations. That may be through grounding, relaxation, breathing exercises, tapping pressure points, biofeedback, the list goes on. That’s something a T should be able to give guidance on, but it’s something that you’ll largely master outside the therapy space through practice.

As an initial first goal, that’s helpful, because it can make it easier to talk. Not necessarily about ‘hard’ stuff, full pelt, all the time. But at least about useful stuff. It will also help get you regulated before, after and between therapy sessions. Which are the important times!

Second - while integrating/processing memories is a big part of trauma therapy, the real damage that ptsd does is the dysfunctional and distress it causes now. The way that plays out for you is unique, and what you decide is important to prioritise will be different from the next person.

So, what do you want about your life to be different? How is your ptsd making things harder? What would you like to be easier? What would you like to achieve? Where do you want to be in 1 year, 5 years or 10 years (roughly, precisely, doesn’t matter). Those are goals.

For me, therapy is effective when I’m working on something specific. A goal I’m trying to achieve, or a symptom I’m trying to manage. I go to therapy with something I want to work on.

Some people find that just having a T to bounce things off, a safe space with someone who is always in their corner, is sufficient to make it very worthwhile. Having a person they’ve learned to feel safe with is a legitimate therapy goal all by itself.

I’m not one of those people. The only reason I go to therapy is so that I can get to the doing it part. The 45 minutes needs to be working towards something fairly specific.

I reassess where I am and where I’m going from time to time. But, always, that direction needs to come from me - not because that’s easiest, but because that’s how most Ts practice. They will wait for you to steer things, often indefinitely if you choose not to.

 

[Freddyt]

YOU.......ARE.......NEVER.....STUCK.

You are preparing for what comes next because really? Both memories and therapy - take their own time.

I thought I spent a couple years stuck but in the end - I doubt I could have handled the next bits without all the work we did in between. At the very least, it let me build skills so unlike the first trauma memory, I was prepared to deal with the fallout.

 

[No More]

What's the complete name of this therapy ?

I’m not sure what you’re asking here? It could fall under lots of things - most therapists would be happy to work with a skills based approach to solving symptoms if that’s how the client wanted to approach the work.

As for the rest of it, equine therapy, art therapy, drama therapy etc etc are all very well established. There’s some studies in Finland going on in regards to dance therapy, which show extremely promising results. However one does not need to do a specific therapy to do the above, they can do the activities on their own and still get lots of benefit from that.