Sexual Assault Can my abuser see me undress after death

[Tillyneedsyourhelp]

Someone please help me I was abused from age 6 to 13 by a family member who I was sent to live with after my grandparents death his wife who is my mothers sister must of known something was going on as on her death bed I held her hand after not seeing her for 5 years and told her when u die and see nanny and grandad they are gonna tell you things and I’m sorry for not telling you but that’s the reason I stayed away not because I didn’t love you or was grateful for you taking me in. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it and said hey don’t be silly u can tell me what are you worried about breaking up my family? At that point something inside me felt sick and I looked at her let go of her hand and walked out. 6 years has since passed and it’s the abusers turn to die now and I’m petrified that when he does die he will be able to see me and my daughters undress. It might sound stupid to some but I was always told as a kid someone’s always watching over u blah blah and people who die will always be with u and so on. If this is true he will see me undress and not only that he can watch my kids too I feel like there’s no way out I can protect us while he’s alive but I can’t protect us from when he does how can I stop him? Has anyone else had these thoughts or knows how to stop them as I keep coming to the only conclusion that I’d have to die before he does for him not to be able to see me or have any sexual gratification from me anymore

 

[Ecdysis]

Hmm, I dunno... I think you're going to have to distance yourself from this way of thinking as something that was a childhood conviction, sort of like we used to believe in Santa Claus and now, as adults we're more realistic.

I mean, think about it, if dead people were watching over us like that, then all the dead people that ever existed in the world could/ would be watching all the people alive on the planet doing things like getting undressed, doing a poo on the toilet, farting, picking their noses, etc. etc.

I'm pretty sure that's not how it works and I assume that if dead people can "watch over us" in some way then they've got better stuff to do, whereever they are, than to watch us "like that".

I think people say stuff like "your dead parents/ spouse/ whoever are looking out for you" in a way that is meant to be supportive/ kind. Not in a freaky/ spooky/ creepy sense of "dead abusers still have some kind of hold over you".

It sounds like it's sort of become an OCD type thought for you. You might want to look into OCD treatment for how to stop obsessive/ compulsive thoughts.

I hope you can free yourself from this and feel better.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's a belief or a thought you have. And beliefs and thoughts can change. They are not facts.

People say crap when someone dies as it's meant to be comforting.

I'm not religious so I don't believe in a heaven or hell or things like that. We live. We die. We're gone.

In my mind, dead people stay with us in our memories. That's how they live on. We might feel a connection to them when we remember them. Some people might call that some form of spirituality? I call it feelings and thoughts.


Do I think an abuser can come and watch you and your children undress? Nope. I don't believe or think that at all.
That is fear talking. And powerlessness. And helplessness. All those horrible feelings we felt when abused happened.

But you have power now. And the abuser has none. They aren't even going to exsit anymore shortly. And you do. And your children do. If anything: he can no longer hurt a single person. He will be gone.

 

[OM_™]

Someone please help me I was abused from age 6 to 13 by a family member who I was sent to live with after my grandparents death his wife who is my mothers sister must of known something was going on as on her death bed I held her hand after not seeing her for 5 years and told her when u die and see nanny and grandad they are gonna tell you things and I’m sorry for not telling you but that’s the reason I stayed away not because I didn’t love you or was grateful for you taking me in. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it and said hey don’t be silly u can tell me what are you worried about breaking up my family? At that point something inside me felt sick and I looked at her let go of her hand and walked out. 6 years has since passed and it’s the abusers turn to die now and I’m petrified that when he does die he will be able to see me and my daughters undress. It might sound stupid to some but I was always told as a kid someone’s always watching over u blah blah and people who die will always be with u and so on. If this is true he will see me undress and not only that he can watch my kids too I feel like there’s no way out I can protect us while he’s alive but I can’t protect us from when he does how can I stop him? Has anyone else had these thoughts or knows how to stop them as I keep coming to the only conclusion that I’d have to die before he does for him not to be able to see me or have any sexual gratification from me anymore

I have unhelpful OCD thoughts too and I feel for you because they are hard to break.

I agree with Ecdysis:

It sounds like it's sort of become an OCD type thought for you.

And with Movingforward10:

People say crap

I worry more about people that are alive than I do about dead people. As a child, I wasn't abused by a dead person and I couldn't have been any happier when I found out he had died. I haven't heard that he's molested anybody since he died.

Please, please, please, stop punishing yourself with your obsessive thoughts. He has already hurt you enough, you don't need to join him and hurt yourself. I'm 100% certain that when your abuser dies, he will be safer than he has ever been. It's the awful things that people do when they are alive that hurt you and give you 'forever memories'.

He can't hurt you when he is dead FULL STOP! There is a beginning and for him it will be the END, including perving down (or up) from heaven or hell.

Imagine how we could have HEAVEN on EARTH if all the abusers would have died before they got the chance to hurt.

 

[scout86]

I was always told as a kid someone’s always watching over u blah blah and people who die will always be with u and so on.

There are a lot of religions in this world an a lot of ideas about the potential after life. I think, for the most part, that stuff about people watching over you after they're dead is based on nothing more than it's a nice idea intended to be comforting. As far as I'm aware, there is NO belief system out there that think evil people get to hang out and torture those they tortured in life. (There might be some, but I'd bet they aren't exactly mainstream.) My personal best guess is he'll be too busy burning in hell to be watching anyone here do anything.

 

[Muttly]

As others have said, I think you need to acknowledge the thought and then recognize it's based on a child's understanding and not your reality. From a logical sense it just doesn't work. If that's true of your abuser, it's true of everyone who has passed.

Can you list out some ways to combat that thought?

 

[Teamwork]

Having had the same thoughts, anxieties and fears which are now gone, I had to think about what changed for me to be able to stop thinking about the afterlife this way. Mostly I formed new beliefs through my current beliefs which for me was learning about what the bible says about death and the afterlife. Even if the bible is not your go to, the idea is to form new beliefs with new information. The fear doesn’t go away for me just because someone says it isn’t true. I had to experience the new beliefs for myself to counteract these thoughts. When I was very young there was a lot said about what humans who were alive could do . All knowing all seeing, which in fact they certainly were not. This type of stuff gave them power over me. In death I felt the same way that they could still monitor what I was doing until I learned they actually were not around anymore.