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I finally finished "Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists". The last book I read on trauma I skipped the section about relationships but now I'm thinking about coming back to it. Relationships are huge stressor and trigger for me. I'm stuck in the...

OMG! How could I forget? Pine cones and wood scents are sooo good. I love anything warm smelling.

I have an allergy to fragrance that gets triggered every so often. But when I can tolerate fragrance I love: Baked good smells, especially with vanilla Rose Fresh linen Laundry detergent, can surprisingly always tolerate scented softeners and detergents Lavender Neroli Orange Blossom Tropical...

It sounds like you’ve had a lot of difficult things happen at once. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad and cry about it. Maybe to lessen the spells you can allow yourself time to feel the sadness and cry it out so they aren’t so random. You could also try putting some space between your emotions...

Shame, lots of it, constantly. Sigh

My default mode with shame is to deny or repress it. This was definitely modeled for me as a child but I also developed that so I could do the things I wanted without feeling the shame of my family’s disparaging comments. But the repressed shame is there in mind in the background most of the...

Not what I’m saying. I just remembered in previous posts that @Dark.Green.Feathers mentioned other times where he had thoughts of being assaulted again but it wasn’t the perp but other people. I was just trying to say the possibility of the assault happening again is low and the probability of...

I wonder if part of the reason I’m attached to my anger is because it shows that I’m starting to care about myself. It’s the evidence that I have strong feelings towards myself. Makes me wonder if I retraumatize myself just so I can feel like I love myself by getting angry about it. What I...

As I recall, your abuse was by a woman, right? I know my mind does this thing where it will up the anti of the bad things that have happened. It’s like it knows what will trigger me and will choose to show me those exact things. You don’t have to do either. As @arfie said, you can simply combat...

I’m realizing that I actually hate myself. I thought I loved myself. I wanted the best for myself and to have good things in my life and to be good. But looking at the definition, I definitely hate myself for the inner turmoil and conflicting emotions and I still have an aversion to my emotions...

Just acknowledging that things have been hard and that it’s hard to do certain things lately made me feel relief. I think I’ve been beating myself up about things being easy or that things should be easy. But they’re not. They might be easy for people who don’t have to deal with the CPTSD or...

I feel like I have oblige the wants and needs of others because I don’t respect my own. Listening to Crappy Childhood Fairy, she mentioned this. Maybe certain parts of me don’t deserve to be shamed and hidden away. Maybe I don’t need to deprive myself from connecting with others. Maybe it’s not...

This site! I feel so much lighter after being here.

I think instead of putting myself down to make others feel better I can encourage them to take steps towards their own goals and acknowledge their own progress. I could also let them emotionally regulate themselves without feeling like I have to do something to make them feel better about...

I think I used self deprecation as to keep others from being bad about their level of achievement in comparison to me. I think I also used it to lower myself in their eyes so they wouldn’t be disappointed when I did make a mistake. Knowing that self deprecation isn’t healthy makes me adjust my...

I think I have to realize that any showcase of skills or talking about them isn’t arrogance because it would not be an overestimation of my abilities but seeing them as they are. Healthy self esteem isn’t the same as arrogance. It’s also healthy if I do it an appropriate amount and not...

I think I need to recognize my own inherent worth and my capabilities. Are there any exercises that I can do to work on building up that sense? I have the belief that I shouldn’t see myself as worthy for fear of being judged as full of myself. I think I should get more comfortable with making...

I think the challenge for me is recognizing that a mistake or suggested changes are not humiliating or debasing. My self esteem does not have to be tied to not making a mistake and being perfect. I do not need to be perfect in order to earn esteem or respect. Is this a right way to think about...

I think there’s a part of me that feels like I’m deserving of shame and harsh consequences for mistakes. I think challenging that is important to not fearing mistakes and their consequences. Knowing that the normal response to a mistake is usually a conversation not a harsh consequence unless...

I hadn’t considered that but I can pace myself by taking on more responsibility slowly and building on my skills and Showcasing them over time. I think it’s hard for me to allow myself to grow and learn without that fear of judgement and fear of not being perfect. I don’t think I’ve allowed...

I don’t think I can handle more responsibilities and I’m afraid of taking on responsibilities that shouldn’t be my own due to childhood. I’m scared to take on more than I can handle, especially with trying to manage my symptoms. I don’t want to come across as brazen by showcasing my abilities...

I think I also have a negative view of more responsibility and seeking out attention. It brings me anxiety and a sense of shame to consider taking on more responsibility and seeking opportunities to showcase my skills. I think these things make me want to hide or shrink myself

Recognizing that I do have enough time to complete assignments and that I don’t have to rush but I shouldn’t luxuriate either. Just acknowledging that there’s a space between complete relaxation and rushing. I think I can remind myself that drawing attention to myself isn’t always negative e...

I think reminding myself that I don’t have to rush to do things and that I won’t be in trouble it’s important. Remembering that the past won’t repeat itself in that way right now. At work in particular I have certain timed assignments and I think a sense of anxiety fills about completing them on...

I think I try to hide or pull away when I’m feeling distress and shame is a particularly distressing emotion for me. I think this might contribute to the dissociation. I also think the distress might have to do with a flight response that I developed as a kid. I had to quickly rush to handle...