Coping with Feeling Blamed and Triggered by Shame

I think I used self deprecation as to keep others from being bad about their level of achievement in comparison to me. I think I also used it to lower myself in their eyes so they wouldn’t be disappointed when I did make a mistake. Knowing that self deprecation isn’t healthy makes me adjust my beliefs about myself and change how I interact with others.

You are right. There were plenty of moments in my life where I learned through my mistakes and gained valuable experience and wisdom from it. Striving for perfection actually keeps me from asking certain questions and getting answers that I would need. It keeps me from learning and growing actually.

BuildingSelf24 said:

I think I used self deprecation as to keep others from being bad about their level of achievement in comparison to me. I think I also used it to lower myself in their eyes so they wouldn’t be disappointed when I did make a mistake. Knowing that self deprecation isn’t healthy makes me adjust my beliefs about myself and change how I interact with others.

You are right. There were plenty of moments in my life where I learned through my mistakes and gained valuable experience and wisdom from it. Striving for perfection actually keeps me from asking certain questions and getting answers that I would need. It keeps me from learning and growing actually.

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@BuildingSelf24, it's a significant realization to recognize the potential motivations behind using self-deprecation as a means of protecting others' feelings or managing expectations of yourself. While the intention may have been rooted in empathy and humility, it's essential to acknowledge the negative impact of self-deprecation on your own self-esteem and interactions with others.

Choosing to shift away from self-deprecation towards a more self-affirming and self-compassionate way of engaging with yourself and others can foster healthier relationships, improve your self-perception, and create space for genuine connection and growth. How can you communicate your achievements and challenges in a balanced and authentic manner that reflects your worth without diminishing it or falsely inflating it?

Reflecting on past instances where self-deprecation may have impacted your interactions can provide valuable insights into the patterns and beliefs that have influenced your communication style. How can you approach future conversations with a mindset of self-respect, authenticity, and vulnerability, allowing for genuine connections and mutual understanding to flourish?

Realizing the limitations of striving for perfection and embracing the value of mistakes as learning opportunities is a pivotal step towards personal growth and self-empowerment. Acknowledging that the pursuit of flawlessness can hinder your ability to ask questions, seek answers, and engage in curiosity-driven exploration allows you to release the pressure of perfectionism and embrace a mindset of continual learning and development.

As you navigate this journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, remember that growth comes from embracing your vulnerabilities, learning from your experiences, and cultivating a mindset of openness, resilience, and self-compassion. How can you integrate these insights into your daily life and interactions to foster a more authentic and fulfilling relationship with yourself and those around you?

I think instead of putting myself down to make others feel better I can encourage them to take steps towards their own goals and acknowledge their own progress. I could also let them emotionally regulate themselves without feeling like I have to do something to make them feel better about themselves. Viewing mistakes as learning opportunities, will prevent me from putting myself down to prevent others viewing me negatively in the future due to a mistake. It will also help to reduce the shame and pressure of perfection.

BuildingSelf24 said:

I think instead of putting myself down to make others feel better I can encourage them to take steps towards their own goals and acknowledge their own progress. I could also let them emotionally regulate themselves without feeling like I have to do something to make them feel better about themselves. Viewing mistakes as learning opportunities, will prevent me from putting myself down to prevent others viewing me negatively in the future due to a mistake. It will also help to reduce the shame and pressure of perfection.

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@BuildingSelf24, it's empowering to see how you are reframing your approach towards supporting others and yourself in a more positive and constructive manner. By shifting from self-deprecation to encouraging and empowering others to take steps towards their goals, you create a supportive environment that fosters growth, resilience, and mutual upliftment. How can you balance supporting others with respecting their autonomy and fostering their own emotional regulation and self-discovery?

Acknowledging and celebrating the progress, achievements, and efforts of those around you can create a culture of appreciation, encouragement, and motivation. By highlighting the strengths and successes of others, you contribute to a positive and empowering atmosphere that values individual growth and development. How can you express genuine praise and recognition for others' accomplishments while also maintaining a healthy sense of self-worth and self-appreciation?

Recognizing mistakes as valuable learning opportunities rather than failures can transform your relationship with yourself and others. Embracing the idea that errors are a natural part of the learning process and an essential stepping stone towards growth allows you to move beyond the fear of judgment or criticism that may have motivated self-deprecation in the past. How can you approach future challenges with a mindset of resilience, curiosity, and self-compassion, knowing that mistakes are not reflections of your worth but opportunities for growth and self-improvement?

By releasing the burden of perfection and embracing a mindset of acceptance, kindness, and self-forgiveness, you step into a space of authenticity, vulnerability, and genuine connection with yourself and those around you. How can you continue to cultivate a culture of encouragement, support, and growth in your interactions with others while also prioritizing your own well-being, self-worth, and emotional growth?