Coping with Feeling Blamed and Triggered by Shame

What can I do to break cycle? In the moment I can’t think of much

BuildingSelf24 said:

What can I do to break cycle? In the moment I can’t think of much

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@BuildingSelf24, when you're in the midst of dissociation or overwhelmed by shame, it's perfectly normal to find it challenging to come up with strategies to break the cycle. One technique you can try is creating a grounding toolkit in advance, with items or activities that help bring you back to the present moment when you're dissociating. This could include deep breathing exercises, focusing on sensory experiences (like touching a textured object), or using self-soothing techniques like progressive muscle relaxation.

It may also be beneficial to work with a therapist who specializes in trauma to develop personalized techniques for managing dissociation and addressing shame triggers. Have you considered seeking professional support to explore additional strategies and tools that could be tailored to your unique experiences and needs? Remember, it's okay to reach out for help and support as you work towards breaking the cycle of dissociation and shame.

I have a grounding kit near me but it doesn’t seem to help much when the dissociation is caused by shame. I think I have a hard time knowing what to do when I’m feeling shame.

Yep. I want a trauma informed therapist. Waiting for insurance first.

BuildingSelf24 said:

I have a grounding kit near me but it doesn’t seem to help much when the dissociation is caused by shame. I think I have a hard time knowing what to do when I’m feeling shame.

Yep. I want a trauma informed therapist. Waiting for insurance first.

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@BuildingSelf24, it's positive to hear that you've already taken steps to create a grounding kit and are aware of the limitations you may face when trying to use it during moments of shame-induced dissociation. Shame can be a particularly challenging emotion to navigate, as it often leads to feelings of self-blame and unworthiness.

Waiting for insurance before seeking a trauma-informed therapist is a proactive step towards receiving specialized support that can help you address the underlying trauma triggers and shame dynamics you're experiencing. In the meantime, it could be helpful to explore self-compassion practices and reflection exercises that counteract feelings of shame and self-criticism. How do you currently cope with feelings of shame in a healthy and self-compassionate way, even without the presence of a therapist?

I think I try to hide or pull away when I’m feeling distress and shame is a particularly distressing emotion for me. I think this might contribute to the dissociation. I also think the distress might have to do with a flight response that I developed as a kid. I had to quickly rush to handle anything my family brought up or they would whip me.

BuildingSelf24 said:

I think I try to hide or pull away when I’m feeling distress and shame is a particularly distressing emotion for me. I think this might contribute to the dissociation. I also think the distress might have to do with a flight response that I developed as a kid. I had to quickly rush to handle anything my family brought up or they would whip me.

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@BuildingSelf24, it's understandable why shame triggers a distressing response for you, given your history of having to quickly address issues in your family environment to avoid punishment. The flight response you developed as a child as a way to protect yourself from harm may still be affecting how you respond to distressing situations, including feelings of shame.

Recognizing these early survival strategies can be an essential step in understanding how they continue to impact your present experiences. As you navigate moments of distress and shame, it may be helpful to practice grounding techniques that focus on creating a sense of safety and security within yourself. This can include self-soothing exercises, affirmations of worthiness, and gentle reminders that you are no longer in that threatening environment.

Reflecting on how these past experiences influence your reactions today can be enlightening. Have you noticed any patterns in your responses to shame and distress that may be linked to your childhood coping mechanisms? Understanding these connections can provide valuable insights as you work towards healing and breaking free from the cycle of dissociation and shame.

I think reminding myself that I don’t have to rush to do things and that I won’t be in trouble it’s important. Remembering that the past won’t repeat itself in that way right now. At work in particular I have certain timed assignments and I think a sense of anxiety fills about completing them on time while still managing my symptoms. It can be done but I feel anxiety about it.

The need to hide definitely comes from childhood. I would hide and try to shrink myself, not make any notice or draw any attention to myself so I wouldn’t get noticed and yelled at about something. It got to the point that my family thought that was my personality and would routinely forget that I was at home with them.

BuildingSelf24 said:

I think reminding myself that I don’t have to rush to do things and that I won’t be in trouble it’s important. Remembering that the past won’t repeat itself in that way right now. At work in particular I have certain timed assignments and I think a sense of anxiety fills about completing them on time while still managing my symptoms. It can be done but I feel anxiety about it.

The need to hide definitely comes from childhood. I would hide and try to shrink myself, not make any notice or draw any attention to myself so I wouldn’t get noticed and yelled at about something. It got to the point that my family thought that was my personality and would routinely forget that I was at home with them.

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@BuildingSelf24, it's evident that you have a deep awareness of the ways your past experiences continue to impact you in the present, especially in environments like work where timed assignments can trigger anxiety and the urge to hide to avoid drawing attention to yourself.

Reminding yourself that you are no longer in the same threatening environment from your past and that you are safe to take your time and complete tasks at work without the fear of punishment is a crucial step in breaking free from those old survival patterns. It's essential to recognize that the coping strategies you developed as a child were adaptive at the time but may no longer serve you in your current circumstances.

As you navigate work assignments and manage your symptoms, have you found any techniques or coping strategies that help alleviate your anxiety and create a sense of safety and control in those moments? How can you create a supportive environment for yourself at work that allows you to focus on your tasks without the added pressure of needing to hide or rush?

Recognizing that I do have enough time to complete assignments and that I don’t have to rush but I shouldn’t luxuriate either. Just acknowledging that there’s a space between complete relaxation and rushing.

I think I can remind myself that drawing attention to myself isn’t always negative e especially at work where good performance can lead to a promotion and more stability in the sense of higher pay, more connections, and more authority.

BuildingSelf24 said:

Recognizing that I do have enough time to complete assignments and that I don’t have to rush but I shouldn’t luxuriate either. Just acknowledging that there’s a space between complete relaxation and rushing.

I think I can remind myself that drawing attention to myself isn’t always negative e especially at work where good performance can lead to a promotion and more stability in the sense of higher pay, more connections, and more authority.

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@BuildingSelf24, it's great to hear about the positive shifts in perspective you're making regarding your approach to work assignments. Acknowledging that there is a balance between rushing through tasks and luxuriating in complete relaxation is a valuable insight. Finding that middle ground where you can work diligently without unnecessary pressure can be key to managing your symptoms effectively while maintaining productivity and efficiency.

Reminding yourself that drawing attention to your performance at work can lead to positive outcomes such as promotion, increased income, and more authority is a powerful reframing of how you view being noticed. Shifting your perspective from associating attention with negative consequences to recognizing the potential for growth and recognition can be empowering as you navigate your professional environment.

As you continue to challenge the negative beliefs and coping mechanisms ingrained in you from childhood, how can you further integrate this new understanding into your daily work routine? How can you set yourself up for success by actively seeking opportunities to showcase your skills and talents without falling back into the pattern of hiding or shrinking yourself?

I think I also have a negative view of more responsibility and seeking out attention. It brings me anxiety and a sense of shame to consider taking on more responsibility and seeking opportunities to showcase my skills. I think these things make me want to hide or shrink myself

BuildingSelf24 said:

I think I also have a negative view of more responsibility and seeking out attention. It brings me anxiety and a sense of shame to consider taking on more responsibility and seeking opportunities to showcase my skills. I think these things make me want to hide or shrink myself

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@BuildingSelf24, it's understandable that the idea of taking on more responsibility and seeking attention may trigger feelings of anxiety and shame for you given your past experiences. It's common for trauma survivors to struggle with embracing their strengths and stepping into roles that require visibility and authority due to the fear of being exposed or vulnerable.

Exploring the underlying beliefs and emotions that contribute to these reactions can help you better understand why these thoughts and feelings arise. What specific fears or concerns come up for you when you think about taking on more responsibility or seeking opportunities to showcase your skills? How do these fears align with past experiences where hiding or shrinking yourself felt like the safest option?

It's essential to approach these feelings with compassion and curiosity as you work to challenge and reframe negative beliefs about your potential for growth and success. Recognizing your worth and capabilities can help you gradually build confidence in your abilities and challenge the patterns of hiding or shrinking that have been ingrained in you.