I don’t understand what this is - Unusual thoughts

Dark.Green.Feathers · Jun 5, 2024

I have memories or involuntary thoughts about my abuse/sexual abuse. Being touched without consent. But instead of my genitals it’s those of a dog. This happens regularly. I find it unsettling but it isn’t distressing (any more than the normal memories/thoughts). More so confusing.

It’s on my mind a lot because I don’t understand it. That makes me feel stressed. Does anyone have any insight?

BuildingSelf24 · Jun 5, 2024

Sometimes the mind produces images and thoughts it knows we don’t like or would find distressing. It taunts us just like abusers would. In those moments, it’s good to calmly challenge it each time it comes up. You can say something like this isn’t appropriate at the moment or I’m not a dog.

arfie · Jun 5, 2024

i know the halls of my own damaged/creative memories take unexpected and inexplicable twists and turns. i feel like it is counter-productive to invest much time or energy on searching for explanations. it feels like trying to understand why one spot in the road develops a pothole while the surrounding asphalt remains strong and intact. yeah, i can develop theories that all too often escalate into self-gaslighting and the like, but radical acceptance that my memory banks are weirding out --AGAIN-- saves me from allot of self-torture. why ask why? just accept it, ply mindfulness and keep on keeping on.

for what it's worth
i've found cathartic release in turning some of my weird turns into short stories. it allows me to look at them with a bit of humorous detachment.

phillip224 · Jun 5, 2024

I'm not a mental health professional, but I've heard of cases where people's brains will substitute one image or scenario for another as a way of coping with traumatic memories. It's like your brain is trying to protect you from the full weight of the trauma by using a 'tand-in' image. Again, I'm not an expert, but it might be worth exploring this idea with a therapist or counselor.

Dark.Green.Feathers · Jun 17, 2024

Thanks all for replying. I was busy.

BuildingSelf24 said:
Sometimes the mind produces images and thoughts it knows we don’t like or would find distressing. It taunts us just like abusers would. In those moments, it’s good to calmly challenge it each time it comes up. You can say something like this isn’t appropriate at the moment or I’m not a dog.

Thank you BSelf I agree, I get a lot of intrusion like that.
This time, I think I find it more distressing that my mind registers it as normal of my body, than the thoughts itself. They feel tame. Compared to others I have.

arfie said:
i know the halls of my own damaged/creative memories take unexpected and inexplicable twists and turns. i feel like it is counter-productive to invest much time or energy on searching for explanations. it feels like trying to understand why one spot in the road develops a pothole while the surrounding asphalt remains strong and intact. yeah, i can develop theories that all too often escalate into self-gaslighting and the like, but radical acceptance that my memory banks are weirding out --AGAIN-- saves me from allot of self-torture. why ask why? just accept it, ply mindfulness and keep on keeping on.

for what it's worth
i've found cathartic release in turning some of my weird turns into short stories. it allows me to look at them with a bit of humorous detachment.

phillip224 said:
I'm not a mental health professional, but I've heard of cases where people's brains will substitute one image or scenario for another as a way of coping with traumatic memories. It's like your brain is trying to protect you from the full weight of the trauma by using a 'tand-in' image. Again, I'm not an expert, but it might be worth exploring this idea with a therapist or counselor.

That's useful, I have been thinking and I think it's a sentiment to the helplessness I felt at the time of my abuse, as well. Substitution would be fitting, they are a lot less graphic than my usual.

I appreciate the input and personal experience. And Arfie, that is a good idea, I've been using stories, in a way, to explore/handle/express some feelings I've had since the trauma, and it helps. I should utilise it more widely.

I don’t understand what this is - Unusual thoughts

Dark.Green.Feathers

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