Sexual Assault How to know if a memory is real or not?

I had a something come up, some that came around like a bad dream type thing. I don't know if it's real or not How do I know if it's real? I would put it down to what's been going on/talking about little ones dad but it wasn't about him. It was about someone else. The memory of this person coming up behind me and of being pinned down to the floor by my wrists and other bits that I won't go into. Is it a good thing, when things start to come up like this? It's messed with my head. Not a good way to start the day! Is it worth mentioning to therapist, even though I wouldn't really want to go into the details....

LucyLou said:

How do I know if it's real?

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that would be a million dollar question in my own recovery. i started therapy with trauma induced amnesia. my childhood was so geophysically unstable that there is no way of knowing possible locations of the various trauma, far less identifying perps and what not. for the vast majority of my memories, neither confirmation nor denial is unavailable. add in the proof available fact that a healthy child's memory is far from the most efficient recording device available. a traumatized child's memory is even less reliable.

the process of sorting reality, dream and psychosis remains an ongoing challenge. rushing the process results in much self-gaslighting and confusion. being patient with the process allows me to process the emotions attached, whether the facts are accurate, or knot. emotions don't run on a true/false measure. we feel what we feel. the heart goes where it goes.

how do i know if an emerging memory is real? i don't and it is not likely i ever will. all i can do is my honest best with the information available.
small steps, big faith and lots of prayer.

Thank you for this response, its very helpful for me as I struggle with not knowing if it happened but knowing it hurt me anyways.

When someone comes up with an answer about whether a dream is a memory or just a night terror, please let me know! I keep telling my family and doctors that my dreams are so vivid that they seem like real memories. My family tells me that the dreams are not real but I don't think they're telling me everything.

I feel so alone, even when I'm surrounded by people and so out of sorts when I'm around people. I'm terrified that I won't be able to get back to myself if I have another PTSD episode. Lord knows my family can't take much more of me!

DC6 said:

dreams are so vivid that they seem like real memories

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All of my dreams are true to life vivid. I didn't realize for a long time that many peoples' dreams aren't, whilst most people have a mix of vivid & amorphous.

Not very helpful, I know.

The nightmare v night terror thing, otoh, I CAN help with!

Night Terrors are on the sleepwalking spectrum, instead of good to bad dreaming; named for the experience of the observer (not the sleeper) unable to wake someone who APPEARS awake, but isn't (eyes open) & screaming bloody murder, wailing grief, or acting out violence. The person experiencing night terrors, like other kinds of sleepwalking, almost never remembers anything. They "just" wake up somewhere they didn't fall asleep, or with dry eyes, sore throat, or bruises... or feeling utterly refreshed, whilst those around them are all hollow eyed, sleep deprived, and WTF?!?

Night Terrors are common with kids, but uncommon with adults, unless there is a history of EITHER trauma OR other parasomnias, especially sleepwalking.

Nightmares, whether true to life, a blend of fiction & reality, or pure fiction? We don't always remember (but wake up with a jolt, or claw our way awake, slicked in sweat/fear/terror/panic)... but usually do.

I have had night terrors, my family tells me that I'm sleepwalking and crying in my sleep. At one point I went to sleep in just a gown then woke up dressed in pants and top with a gown over top...no idea how or when I did that. My husband also said that I was driving at some point during the PTSD episode, no recollection of that either. It's a frightening thought...

My memories first came back via dreams.

so it’s worth telling your T. They can’t say yes or no though, obviously, about if it is a dream or a memory. But exploring it and talking it through will likely help you decide.

Thank you for your advice. I greatly appreciate it!

LucyLou said:

I had a something come up, some that came around like a bad dream type thing. I don't know if it's real or not How do I know if it's real? I would put it down to what's been going on/talking about little ones dad but it wasn't about him. It was about someone else. The memory of this person coming up behind me and of being pinned down to the floor by my wrists and other bits that I won't go into. Is it a good thing, when things start to come up like this? It's messed with my head. Not a good way to start the day! Is it worth mentioning to therapist, even though I wouldn't really want to go into the details....

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I’ve had this happen 6 months ago. It was the strangest dream and I remembered it perfectly which never happens.
It was like a art of me, whispering to me what happened.
It was horrible but- this part of me has protected me for 40 years … I feel proud while I write this. So strange but there’s a version of me in my psyche who has protected me, I’ve always had this dread that if this something was revealed to me I wouldn’t be able to cope, like I’d go mad.

Now I’m viewing it like a godsend that our brains are SO complex that we can make up protectors!
I spoke with my T about this in one session, It was like it wasn’t me talking, then afterwards even now it feels like a dream and I’m not sure it actually happend. Because I’m not ready.

Basically I think my mother got involved with people who did drugs, a group who preyed on vulnerable women with kids. I think she knows what happened but thinks I don’t remember.

It’s ok if you don’t know if it’s real or not, you are amazing and resilient. You don’t have to figure it out now, wait till you are ready. This could be something else who knows, trust your gut in knowing when to delve into it or not

Ubergirl said:

I’ve had this happen 6 months ago. It was the strangest dream and I remembered it perfectly which never happens.
It was like a art of me, whispering to me what happened.
It was horrible but- this part of me has protected me for 40 years … I feel proud while I write this. So strange but there’s a version of me in my psyche who has protected me, I’ve always had this dread that if this something was revealed to me I wouldn’t be able to cope, like I’d go mad.

Now I’m viewing it like a godsend that our brains are SO complex that we can make up protectors!
I spoke with my T about this in one session, It was like it wasn’t me talking, then afterwards even now it feels like a dream and I’m not sure it actually happend. Because I’m not ready.

Basically I think my mother got involved with people who did drugs, a group who preyed on vulnerable women with kids. I think she knows what happened but thinks I don’t remember.

It’s ok if you don’t know if it’s real or not, you are amazing and resilient. You don’t have to figure it out now, wait till you are ready. This could be something else who knows, trust your gut in knowing when to delve into it or not

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I had a conversation with my therapist today and she explained to me that my brain has made its own "protective gear". Not her words but this is how I interpreted what she said. I thought I had a pretty good understanding of how my brain was stuck in Flight/fright/panic modes. She explained that childhood trauma was like a winding road and that my brain put up a road block to suppress the bad memories. Now that I am unboxing those memories, my brain then said, these memories are painful which in some way triggered this, almost 2 year episode. I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere... making some progress. This platform is a wonderful tool! I'm, let's just go with, socially ignorant. I have a hard time talking to people about everyday things. There is no way I could share this in a face to face setting. I'd like to thank everyone for the input. I can't thank y'all enough!